Internet Dating: 5 Things I Hate About Online Relationships

I’m a single guy. So I’ve tried out a couple of the free Internet dating sites. I’ve started dozens of conversations and even met and dated a few of the women that I’ve met online. It’s a whole new world. Of course there are pros and cons, but there are also a few things I hate about Internet dating.

heart-700141_1920 Internet Dating: 5 Things I Hate About Online Relationships. Photo of hearts made of wood.

Let’s start out with the good stuff: Internet dating has made it easier than ever for people to meet. I have a busy schedule. I’m a single dad with a full-time job. I don’t have much time to go out to meet new people. With Internet dating, I can simply login, create a search that meets my criteria, and start clicking on profiles and sending messages.

That’s about where the good stuff stops. With the ease that comes with Internet dating, there are many complications. 

5 Things I Hate About Internet Dating

  1. Profiles are limiting: Creating an online profile for meeting others is challenging. First, many people hate writing about themselves and barely say anything at all on their profiles. Second, it’s human nature to accentuate our positive attributes while diminishing the negative. Photos can be several years old. So we often get a false image of the ones we desire to potentially meet.
  2. Free sites are limiting: I’m not convinced things would be much better if I paid, so I’ve stuck to free Internet dating sites. But they’re not completely free. Sites like Plenty of Fish and OurTime allow you to do certain actions for free. But they limit you enough that it can complicate matters. You still have to pay in order to have full access to all of the sites’ functions.
  3. People are flakey: Back in the old days, we went to physical locations to meet others. We could simply start conversations with anyone we met. If they weren’t interested in having a conversation with us, we could tell by their vibe. In the Internet dating world, we never know who will respond and who won’t. People don’t seem to really know what they’re looking for. Often, they say one thing on their profile, but don’t consistently act like they mean what they say. 
  4. Communication is inconsistent: If someone does respond to your message, then starts another game: How often will messages be sent back and forth? How long will the messages be? When we meet someone in person, we can learn more about the other person in 20 minutes than we can in two weeks of sending electronic messages back and forth.  
  5. It’s too easy to bail out: Sometimes it feels like whoever sends the last message loses. I’ve had people contact me that I’m not interested in. I might participate in exchanging a few friendly messages and then quit. That’s one thing. But I’ve also reached a point in an online relationship where a personal meeting has been proposed and accepted. But before definitive plans are made, the other person stops communicating. In fact, it’s become entirely too easy to simply fade out of online relationships. People just stop responding when they don’t want to pursue the relationship any further. There’s often no explanation, no reasoning, there’s simply no longer any response. Internet dating has simply made it too easy to bail out of something that’s been started. This has even happened to me after several in-person meetings, too.

It’s Too Easy To Detach

Read this article: The Science Of Dating: Why We Should Stop Dating Online

Have we become so emotionally detached that we no longer feel the need to explain to someone why we no longer want to communicate with them? Has Internet dating made us that insensitive to others’ emotions? Have we become like the machines we use to communicate?

If you use electronic messaging to communicate with a potential dating partner, I encourage you to be human. Don’t just stop communicating when you change your mind about the potential relationship. Send him or her a message and explain to them why you’ve deciding against meeting, or even a second or third date. 

Life Is Complicated Enough

Being uncertain of others’ actions only complicates it further. Let’s get back to simple living through the use of simple and direct communication.

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    1. Yes. It’s funny, I was just enjoying a new conversation with someone on an online dating site. We had chatted about five times over the past week. In the last chat I asked about meeting. Yesterday, her profile was gone. This happens all the time. People are afraid to actually move forward from online communication to in-person communication.

  1. My experience with online dating was a positive one. Of the fifteen or so men I communicated with, I met at least seven in real life, and all were pleasant experiences. The dates I had were “activity” dates. With one guy, we went indoor rock climbing. With another, we took a day trip with our motorcycles. One guy serenaded me at an outdoor cafe with his guitar. Such wonderful memories. All the guys I met treated me with respect. Out of the seven men, there was a mutual attraction with two of them and to this day, seven years later, I remain friends with one of them. The key for me was to be open, honest, and just be myself. 😊

    1. I agree that there are positives. The women I have met in person were great. I have no complaints. But distance and lack of common interests kept those from working into longterm relationships.

      I know some women who say that many men on sites like Plenty of Fish are after one thing only: sex. They say they get lots of creepy messages and pictures. Yikes!

  2. I am new to online dating, and in a whirlwind last month, communicated with someone from eharmony, which led to long phone conversations, which led to a trip to meet in person where I discovered a different person in person than the one I’d been talking to. I mean – he was the same person but not as confident or as interested in spiritual things than when we talked on the phone. Since then I keep running into fake profiles where the language in the communication is a tad off.

    I feel like the rare real person out there who is trying to make a connection with someone. I’m a Christian, though, and ultimately I trust that God will either use or not use a dating site to introduce me to a godly man.

    A friend of mine has stopped online dating because he began to feel like he was almost shopping – that he’d refine his search, meet with someone in person, then if that didn’t work out – he’d return home, and refine his search again. He realized online dating is not for him at this time.

    I agree with you that there are many people who don’t even fully fill in the profiles.

    I wish I knew what the answer was to a great date via a dating site!

    1. Wow! That’s a testimony. I think people are often different online and even on the phone than in-person. Thanks for sharing!

  3. You know, I met some great guys online, including a few that became longish relationships. And I met some not so great guys – ones who lied about their age or were just very unpleasant in one way or another. I don’t regret the time I spent online dating, though – it allowed me to meet men I would have had no way to meet otherwise. Still, in the seven or so years I was divorced, the two best relationships began through real-life meetings. One was my fencing coach, and the other, my now husband, I met when he gave a talk about letting go that I attended.

    1. Thank you for that. I honestly feel like online dating will likely never result in a serious ongoing relationship for me. I’m glad to know there is hope in the real world.

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